


Set Me Free

by WolfaMoon



Category: NCIS
Genre: Amnesia Gibbs, Angst, Dysfunctional Family, Father-Son Relationship, Gen, Hurt Gibbs, Hurt Tony, Hurt/Comfort, Paralysis, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-13
Updated: 2013-02-13
Packaged: 2017-11-29 04:24:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/682727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfaMoon/pseuds/WolfaMoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It hasn't always been this way for DiNozzo. He remembered brighter days. Before the dark ones came Stole his mind and wrapped his soul in chains</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1 Set Me Free 2 Carry On My Wayward Son

Chapter 1: Set Me Free: Casting Crowns  
Set Me Free

BY: Wolfa Moon

SUMMARY: It hasn't always been this way for DiNozzo. He remembered brighter days. Before the dark ones came Stole his mind and wrapped his soul in chains

DISCLAIMER: No own. Just passing through. Own none of the music but I love it.

Set Me Free: Casting Crowns

//It hasn't always been this way  
I remember brighter days  
Before the dark ones came  
Stole my mind  
And wrapped my souls in chains//

DiNozzo raced down the roads. Swerving around traffic feeling the essence of breathe breeze pass him. He needed to get away. Going to his secret storage vault he rolled her out. Now sliding between cars. Breezing through red lights. Sirens blaze yet he loses them weaving in and around. Even go illegal and riding on the sidewalk. He could kill someone. He could kill himself. He just didn't care. Did he have a reason?

Earlier that day….

They had captured the bad guy but didn't worry about the agent who had chased him across the roofs and into a sewer then jumping over moving vehicles. Tackling the man down. Handcuffing him to a fence then almost getting hit by his accomplice having to duck getting run over a little but firing the tires out. Then they come around like the Calvary. The people who will shine. Gibbs telling me to stop laying down on the job. With a 'yes boss' he gets up and limps to the siren blaring cop cars. Opening one of their doors and sitting down. Licking his wounds. Reporting to the cops what to do then when he gets up, he notices. They have left without him. Leaving him again to fend for himself.

Present…

//Now I live among the dead  
Fighting voices in my head  
Hoping someone hears me crying in the night  
And carries me away//

Who cared that he had blood running down his back. Who cared that he now has a wrap around his hand and knees. They don't care. Revving up again he speeds through the town. Trying to find out where he belongs. He though he had a place. But now after fighting so long. What did he have to fight for? Sirens long blaring behind. His phone vibrating in his pocket. No one of import who really want sot talk to him. Maybe he made the news and somebody recognized. Yeah right none of them even knew he had a motorcycle. Not just one, several. This time around he tried his latest birthday/Christmas gift to himself. Liked they cared about that. Well like he cared he has the money. So he has the Suzuki Hayabusa GSX1300R. And is loving the freedom he has bought himself. Even if he is breaking every law. He needed to live.

Set Me Free

Running away. No not running. Escaping. He thought he had a place but it all tumbled down around him. Himself under the heap of it all. So he road to the only person he never knew he had till he met him. A man who welcomed him in on first glance. Seeing what Gibbs originally saw. A younger version of themselves. Tony smiled on their first meeting and then the conversations over the phone, his only landline. If this is farewell he had to say it in person to the only one who still cared.

Set Me Free

Hearing the loud engine thrum through his neighborhood at this time of night had him awake he only knew of one man who loved fast motorcycles. And it is never good when he comes in the middle of the night. This had happen on several occasions before. And after the last one, having the young man try one last time and now.

The pounding on the door didn't surprise him. So he didn't grab his weapon. Opening the door he saw who he knew it would be.

"Hey Tony, come in." he didn't enter when he backed out of the doorframe. This got the older man worried.

"Sorry Jack. I tried. I tried."

"So now what?"

"Well, um," Jackson Gibbs could see the young man shaking before him. This isn't right. He learned to love Tony like a second son hell even a grandson to be proud of. And he is proud of the young man. Surviving everything that has been thrown at him. But a person can only handle so much. "Just came to say good bye."

"No son no." DiNozzo smiled. Glad that one person wanted him. "Come in we'll talk."

"Can't," Tony coughed harshly. Jackson reached for the man who began to shake more. The breaths coming out in rasp. Worry filled him. Then went ten fold when the young man collapsed across his threshold. Half in half out. But always welcome here. His only living sanctuary.

//You are free  
You are free  
You are free//

TBC…..

Chapter 2: Carry On My Wayward Son: Kansas  
Carry on My Wayward Son: Kansas

CH 2

Set Me Free

BY Wolfa Moon

SUMMARY: It hasn't always been this way for DiNozzo. He remembered brighter days. Before the dark ones came Stole his mind and wrapped my souls in chains

DISCLAIMER: No own. Just passing through. Own none of the music but I love it.

Carry on My Wayward Son: Kansas

//Once I rose above the noise and confusion  
Just to get a glimpse beyond the illusion  
I was soaring ever higher, but I flew too high  
Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man  
Though my mind could think I still was a mad man  
I hear the voices when I'm dreamin',  
I can hear them say

Carry on my wayward son,  
For there'll be peace when you are done  
Lay your weary head to rest  
Now don't you cry no more//

Jackson cursed his flesh and blood. The young man laying on his bed tossing with fever and pain, both physical and mental. When is his son going to learn? Jackson is tired of this. If Jethro wouldn't take the time to see the man before him then he is going to do something about it. Keep him hidden till he is better then be the moral support the boy needs. Help him in any way he can.

So he began to make plans. Every trick he has ever learned. Every back up plan. Everything he is going to give up. Give up his so for his grandson.

Sadly and painfully he pulls a piece of paper out. No good byes like the old fashion kind. Picking up a pen he began to write his farewell. And the challenge of come and find us. Make it right.

CMWS

Tony didn't know where they were. He didn't really care. His gaze pain medicated laid on Jackson Gibbs. A man who has become so much more. His last true family.

"How you feeling Tony?" Jackson learned that he didn't like to be called son. To many bad memories of his father. Most of them relived when he is alone, wounded, and hurt.

"Been better," checking out the passing scenery. "Where are we?" Jackson smiles at the young man. Tony sits up wincing trying to get a better view. Classic rock humming in the background.

"Far away from the world." Tony looks at Jackson at his words. The mans intentions clear. He is going to seclude them from their world to discover an new world. Not knowing why not asking where. Feeling safe he sagged back into the seat. Jackson smiles as Tony relaxes back into the seat. Feeling safe with him. A family.


	2. 3: Highway to Hell 4: Climb Every Mountain

Chapter 3: Highway to Hell : AC:DC  
Highway to Hell: AC/DC

CH 3

Set Me Free

BY Wolfa Moon

SUMMARY: It hasn't always been this way for DiNozzo. He remembered brighter days. Before the dark ones came Stole his mind and wrapped my souls in chains

DISCLAIMER: No own. Just passing through. Own none of the music but I love it.

Highway to Hell: AC/DC

//I'm on a highway to hell  
On the highway to hell  
Highway to hell  
I'm on the highway to hell//

Gibbs paced his basement. The letter clutched tightly in his hand. How could his father? How could Tony? No they are not to blame. It is all on him. Picking up his bottle of scotch he drank it letting it burn down his throat. The fires of hell burning inside him. Chasing him to the end of the earth. The fire didn't have to go that far. His constructed almost finished boat lay in tatters around him. A boat that he had spent unruly hours on with old fashion tools. Even getting DiNozzo to help him out. Now splinters.

Kicking a piece off his chair he sat down. Anger, sorrow. What had he done? The bottle of scotch staring at him. Egging him on. Urging him to step off into another level of hell. Is he ready to jump right to the bottom or ready to start climbing again to the top?

Chapter 4: Climb Every Mountain  
Climb Every Mountain: Bernadette Larson

CH 4

Set Me Free

BY Wolfa Moon

SUMMARY: It hasn't always been this way for DiNozzo. He remembered brighter days. Before the dark ones came Stole his mind and wrapped my souls in chains

DISCLAIMER: No own. Just passing through. Own none of the music but I love it.

Climb Every Mountain: Bernadette Larson

//A dream that will need  
All the love you can give,  
Every day of your life  
For as long as you live//

Jackson looks out the cabin window to observe his youngest son work through his katas. Who knew that the boy had a Zen side? Going through the slow movements. Learning not to sneak up on the young man finding himself in an advanced Jujutsu move. How trained up this boy is? Now he observes from the window. Going to the door he wants to alert His grandson lunch time as not to surprise him out of his Zen. The young man recovered physically but the mental, emotional. Time would tell.

"Tony?" Tony stops his exercise turning on Jackson a full blown smile. Some fake, some true. Jackson steps toward him. "Ready for some lunch?" Tony picks up his discarded shirt. Covering up the remaining bruises and healing wounds. Jackson cringed behind his smile. They have hurt his family for the last time. But,

"Food sounds great." The outside wilderness had been good for him, for them. Open wide breaths of air. A lake a simple walk from the cabin. Who knew that city boy DiNozzo had a hearty country boy side. This cabin they are in a secret that has been Tony's secret ever since he had been let go from his parents, his father. And know Jackson knew and helps out. The boy had the place set up for all types of weather and situations. They've gone hunting several times. Watching Tony tan the leather then watching him make a belt for both of them. Jackson could only be amazed at all these hidden talents that no one was let in on. Grateful that Tony could be so open with him. Open, no going back. The door had been opened. Only him allowed through so far. His older son blind to this.

Tony sat across from him. Their home made bread, the homemade wild man stew. Laughter over something stupid. Jackson loved this, loves Tony. But how to make this family work. He missed Leroy. Missed his son who had began to bridge the gap. And now they are on opposite sides again. And he had to chose. He chose the one on the crumbling side to rescue. Helping anyway he can.


	3. 5: Stars 6: Start Again

Chapter 5: Stars: TATU  
STARS: T.A.T.U.

CH 5

Set Me Free

BY Wolfa Moon

SUMMARY: It hasn't always been this way for DiNozzo. He remembered brighter days. Before the dark ones came Stole his mind and wrapped my souls in chains

DISCLAIMER: No own. Just passing through. Own none of the music but I love it.

STARS: T.A.T.U.

//It hasn't always been this way  
I remember brighter days  
Before the dark ones came  
Stole my mind  
And wrapped my souls in chains//

Gibbs paced the office. His team or what remains trying to cower and stay out of sniper sight. David talked to ever contact she could trying to find Tony. McGee ran all of Dinozzo's cards. Bolo on his car, not knowing of his storage locker of motorcycles. The two of them teamed up going over everything they could get on their lost agent, friend. David snuck away to go downstairs to check their secret sneaky specialist, ABBY.

Abby had music blaring trying to keep herself pumped. She had played Frank Sinatra until everyone ears bled. Well until Gibbs screamed at her to shut that damn music off. Knowing it is DiNozzo's favorite hits she is playing. One of her constant things thou is a screensaver of snapshots of her beloved Tony. A man she didn't truly know. For she had looked through every resource. Everything. Still no Tony DiNozzo.

David stopped to stare at the pictures that flew across the screen. She had to admit she missed the man. A man a while ago she would have not second glanced at. Now this feeling. This regret.

McGee did his work. And did work that Tony, he thought sometimes, did. Never realizing all of what he did. Finding more paperwork that Tony had on his plate. Seminars that he led in undercover that had to be postponed till later. His double agent con he was working now he had to take on. And to tell himself truthfully he sucked at it. All he could do is send emails that he had a ruptured appendix and couldn't make in for a while. No one knew this. And when he told Gibbs.

Nobody knew all of what Tony did. So did they ever really know him? Did they deserve him back?

Chapter 6: Start Again : RED  
START AGAIN: RED

CH 6

Set Me Free

BY Wolfa Moon

SUMMARY: It hasn't always been this way for DiNozzo. He remembered brighter days. Before the dark ones came Stole his mind and wrapped my souls in chains

DISCLAIMER: No own. Just passing through. Own none of the music but I love it.

START AGAIN: RED

//And I remember everything,  
Everything I loved,  
I gave it away like it wasn't enough  
All the words I said and all you forgive  
How could I hurt you again?//

"Do you wanna go back?" Jackson looks over at his boy resting beside him. The thought had passed through his head once or twice. He needed to knock some sense into his blood son. But he couldn't leave Tony. Tony chimed in then, "Gibbs is your son. I understand." That hurt Tony to say. But knew about obligation and such. Obligation he upheld but others let slip through the cracks.

Jackson had to shake his head. Had he been letting Tony think that he was doing this for Jet. Just going up and abandon him. Reaching over he grabs Tony's arm in a firm hold. Waiting for his son here to look him dead in the eyes.

"I am here for you. And yes I want to go back. Only to knock some sense into my other kid. Son, I am here for you. For your are my son, too."

"More like grandson," Tony piped up. The half smirk. Always making a joke, his defense, and his shield.

"And I would be just as proud if you were either." Tony looks over to see the truth in the man. The man who has done so much and didn't need to. In those eyes he sees. "I am here with you. Till thee end." Tony relaxes under Jackson's hands. His smile growing wider.

"Ok grandpa."

"That's pops to you." Jackson smiles as the air became clearer between them. He would never hurt Tony.

Tony looks to the clouds. He would have to go back. But he would do it differently this time. He would not play the jock, the frat boy, the unknowledgeable computer person, and the womanizer. He would no longer play his shield. He would be himself. Proud, computer hacker, loyal to his family and friends (a trait of both), Fight for what he believes in (it bled through on Shield Tony. But real Tony he would state what he wanted. No holding back.), be the fighter he is.

No more head slaps. No more playing weak. He is stronger and better than what he has done. And if Gibbs thinks he can go back to the ways things were. Sadly mistaken.

If he goes back,

If…..

START AGAIN: RED

Closing his eyes he let the final rays soak in. Their latest kill on the spit. He would have to go back, eventually. If anything he owed them, nothing, a good-bye, maybe. He shrugs at the crossroads. Which way to go? The team in a way had become friends and family of shield Tony and partial real. Hell he had Jackson Gibbs beside him here. Yet they had hurt him time and again. He had to say good-bye to his grandfather, Ducky. The only one who saw through everything. Who knew real Tony. Who knew the phone number to this place.

And who is now walking up the steps of his secluded Cabin.

"Hello, my boy." Tony's eyes open. Hopping up he runs to the old gentleman. Enveloping him in a hug. Hugs that are so casually shared between the too.

Tony had become Ducky's grandson. Both on paper an informal adoption, his son. To keep him safe. To keep him protected. And most of all to ensure that he had family who care and love him. "Easy, Tony." Tony stepped back.

"You're late." Jackson spoke as he began to sit up. Ducky smiles at the other elder buck grooming the next in line.

"Yes well," he took Tony's seat then took in the scenery. "You have done wonders with this place."

"I had sick leave." Nodding in understanding. Silence expanding on the four words spoken. He had always fought through the hurt to return to his existence. To be surrounded by people he thought cared for him. To not be alone. They all knew what wanted to be sung on the winds.

"They miss you. But I am not sure for the right reasons. Abby is running your face through every camera for recognition on you. So I recommend sunglasses and baseball caps around cameras." Tony nodded leaning against the rail. There is only a few camera's in the closest town. ATM, Food Mart, and the Gas Station. He didn't want to be found. Or did he. He had already done those suggestions and even hacked in to shut them off when he went into town. He would ponder on that later. He had his family here. His true elders who cared for him. Ducky smiles at him.

"What?"

"You look good." It is true he had been relaxing, taking care of himself, enjoying life. He didn't have to go back. He had them here. But they would have to go back. Jackson said he would stay. For how long? How long could he stay away from the world? Tony has enough money to never work again. Skills in computer and watching stocks made him rich in a couple of years after being disowned. He could be. Start all over. Start with or without. Be real.

Yet this is hiding no matter what you call it. It now had become a cell of a sort with Abby everywhere. But then he could run. New everything. A new name but a lie. A new life. New lies he would have to learn to rearrange his past. Make up a new history.

START AGAIN: RED

After dinner Tony takes a seat outside to look up at the stars. Wondering what satiny is written up there for him. He loves the stars. Always there, always consistent. Photos to take with him along his journey. Things never needing to be packed. They would follow. Closing his eyes he tries to hide what some of those stars have become. Pleades, his lost sister, Kate. Andromeda had become Ziva. Fornix, had become Abby. And then Vulpecula had become Gibbs, the sly fox. His personal take with you album. Then he looks to the stars that represented his mother, Cassiopeia.

Looking up at her wondering what he should do. He could go back, to what? To more abuse? To them accepting him back into their fold, their fold. Not his. He had to be himself. No more playing the stupid frat to be picked upon. To be looked over once their leader came back. No! He would come back on his own terms or he would go to wherever. It wouldn't hurt to see them. Yes it would, who is he kidding. Kidding himself only.

Opening his eyes he looks to Perseus. The one he thinks upon to represent himself. The hero. The lone forgotten hero. Always there and easy to miss if not looking. But if you look for it you can find it.

Should he continue to look?

//One more try,  
Can we start again?  
In my eyes, can you forgive me now?  
(Can we start again?)  
Can we start again (one more try?)  
Can we start again?  
Can we start again (can you forgive me?)  
Can we start again?//


	4. 7:Iridescent 8: Please Don't Go

Chapter 7: Linkin Park : Iridescent  
CH 7 Linkin Park "Iridescent"

Set Me Free

BY: Wolfa Moon

SUMMARY: It hasn't always been this way for DiNozzo. He remembered brighter days. Before the dark ones came Stole his mind and wrapped my souls in chains

DISCLAIMER: No own. Just passing through. Own none of the music but I love it.

//You were standing in the wake of devastation  
And you were waiting on the edge of the unknown  
And with the cataclysm raining down  
Insides crying "Save me now"  
You were there, impossibly alone//

ILP

He had nicked the suits. The tie more like a hang noose. A loose fitting long sleeve shirt. Denim jeans. The stitches itching like crazy. Thank god his bruises had finally faded. Looking normal. Well as normal as anyone looked. Standing on the beach around the lake he dug his toes into the sand. He had to go back. Tony is apart of him as much as he wants to deny but he wouldn't take the abuse any longer. He is the better man. One more strike and he is gone. Figure out that this has all been a con and just like, Keyser Soze, Poof gone. Taking in the open air. Gathering his courage. Throwing away the shield. Letting himself sink in. Relax, breath…

His safe haven becoming heaven on earth. Frightened about falling. Back to earth

"Tony!" opening his eyes he turns to the cabin. Jackson is waving to him. Time for lunch or dinner. Time for something new. One last day.

ILP

Jackson didn't know to be jumping for joy about retuning home or frightened. Scared for who is going to hurt his grandson, again. Wary of what his son is going to do. Will he reconcile or push his family away. Looking over at Ducky who had become an understanding brother. A great retreat together. Seeing why people bonded with Tony. But seeing beyond that. The small child who just wanted attention. To be praised. His first place science project meaning something. Anything.

The young boy making his way toward the humble abode.

ILP

Dinner was a pleasant affair. And with the night slowly approaching only leaving a few weaning hours of sun. One last time to let it go before he had to go back. Climbing up to the overhanging rocks around the lake he climbs. Higher than he has ever before. Strength returning to him. True there are sore spots but they can be looked over at this moment. Higher and higher into the unknown. Fro he is going to be the unknown again. Territory he knew. But his once fellow agents never taking the time. But that is the past. He had to move on. Reaching the top of the cliff. Looking down at the water. A long jump.

Hell he is about to take one with people why not his life. Letting the fading sun warm him. He spreads his arms out. One leap. Having jumped through hoops all his life. What is one straight jump down?

All will be different when he gets out of the water. If he survives. Taking one last gander around his territory. His solace.

What did he have to loose after what he has gained.

He jumps.

ILP

Jackson and Ducky almost have a heart attack when he takes his leap. Yet they can do nothing about it. They would do anything for Tony. But they saw his face. It looked so free. He had let whatever was bugging him go. Looking to one another they new he was ready to go back.

ILP

Tony put his belonging in their proper place around his apartment. The apartment seeming like a cage. Looking around at the cell he made another decision besides just going back. He is going to move to a pace that called to him. His true self. Someplace high with a view.

Jackson had taken them to his place first where he said his good-byes and promising to come back and call if anything went wrong. Hugging him close to his chest. Unsure if he should let Tony go back without backup. Yet Tony assured him of this wonderful thing called speed dial or there was always the bike.

Walking into his living room he noticed the shelves containing many dimensions of escape. All on disk format. Adventures yearn to experience but contained in a box on a shelf. Moving over he browsed. Looking them over he felt caged but then remembered. He can do anything. Still a couple of hours to kill before work.

ILP

Putting on his leather gloves he let the second skin flex with his body. His well worn leather racing jacket moving with him. Then for safety putting on his helmet. He didn't have a death wish, not anymore. He had a knew path before him. Letting it all go at the cabin. Then coming back to see if they accepted the true Tony unlike the frat boy lovable all round guy that they some what knew.

Revving up the engine he could care less. Linking his ear bud with his iPhone. Putting on his stress relief mix. Finishing it off where he last stop playing it. Nodding to the music he took it in. letting it soak in. Time to break some road rules. Not to escape. Just for fun. Finally for fun.

//Let it go  
Let it go  
Let it go  
Let it go

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?  
You build up hope, but failure's all you've known  
Remember all the sadness and frustration  
And let it go. Let it go//

Chapter 8: Please Don't Go : Barcelona  
CH 8 "Please Don't Go" Barcelona

SET ME FREE

BY: Wolfa Moon

//All those arrows you threw, you threw them away  
You kept falling in love, then one day  
When you fell, you fell towards me  
When you crashed in the clouds, you found me//

Gibbs took in the ruins of his latest boat. Tony had helped him sand, build parts of it. Remembering how he had did it with a smile on his face. How many of those smiles were fake? How many times had he let his protégé down? Sinking to the ground he sits among the ruins he created.

Where had it all gone wrong? Closing his eyes he tries to remember when he was losing the man he knew. To be replaced by the jock facade. The thing is. He couldn't remember. Tony had always played the dumb jock part up. Making sure appearances were everything. But that is all they were. A mask to cover up the truth. Dinozzo is one hell of an undercover agent. Just look at how good he has done in the past. Squeezing his eyes tighter. Hoping for a future.

//Oh, please don't go  
I want you so  
I can't let go  
For I lose control//

Standing up he takes a broom. Going over all the words he has said. Action untaken. Actions taken. The look on his face when he simply told him, 'you'll do'. Breaking the poor boy. Taking his mountain and quaking it to rubble.

Would Tony come back and let him try to rebuild what he thought they once had. Did they ever have anything? Looking at the pieces that once fit so perfectly together. Sure they fit but if he tried to put them together again. They would never truly fit the same way again. And that scares Gibbs. How could he have not seen? So many questions not enough answers. He would have to be patient for those answers.

Picking up a broom he looks at the mess he has created. It would take some time to clean it up. Some pieces could be saved for another attempt. Others had to be scrapped. Life is building a boat. It can save a life or take one far away from your problems. On to new horizons.

Breaking the boat he knew he was preventing the journey from continuing. Stopping him from leaving. Giving him time to be redeemed.

//Get these left handed lovers out of your way  
They look hopeful but you, you should not stay  
If you want me to break down and give you the keys  
I can do that but I can't let you leave//

The mess cleaned up he headed upstairs. Looking down at the empty room. So empty. He would attempt another boat again. Fill up the space. He had time. So he hoped. Not planning to die anytime soon. Yet no one truly does plan that. Sure certain events. To time, to fill it up a little. And to time to finish.

Thinking of Tony he turns off the lights. Would the man he considered himself close to let him. Did the boy, man, not know what he means. Sure he is a bastard. But he had to at least show some praise.

Head slaps aside. Tough love. He had screwed up so much in his life. Yet this one. This one who had stayed the longest. Never running away. Remaining by his side. Fighting to belong. Tony had fought so hard, one-sided. Gibbs walks into the living room where they once shared a silent dinner. Silent, no words. Never thinking he ever had to say anything. Silence held so much. And also told you nothing.

//Oh, please don't go  
I want you so  
I can't let go  
For I lose control//

He would listen. He had to. For he wanted to know the Tony that smiled. The Tony who knew movies like bedtime stories. Tony who found comfort in his father, Gibb's father. A man who is a riddle with a tale right down the middle.

He has to open his eyes.

Taking in the room. So silent yet talking walls. So many things lost. So much more to come. To fill up a room.


	5. 9: Orchard of Mines 10: Silver Lining

Chapter 9: Orchard of Mines: Globus  
Ch 9 Orchard of mines: Globus

BY: WOLFA MOON

SET ME FREE

//Don't taint this ground with the color of the past  
Are the sounds in bloom with you?  
Cause you feel like an orchard of mines  
Just take one step at a time//

Abby stared at the image on her screen. The still image of Tony taken by a nowhere place ATM. Her eyes studying it. The smile the main attraction. She has seen him smile before but this, this smile. This is the truest one she has seen in a long time. When was the last time he smiled like that? Closing her eyes she tries to remember. Than she remembers. Kate.

The brother sister duo. They would never be a couple. People always thought they were. No, Tony is the annoying older brother who picks and helps the younger kids. Kate filling the gap of motherly sisterly duties. Abby rounding off the trio as the baby sister whom both looked over. Then she smiles as she tries to place McGee. The out spaced cousin. The cousin who came in and made this team his home. But just a cousin who they could pick on but still care for. Then realizing that Ducky's young assistant had rounded out the fourth member of this family, Jimmy.

Jimmy had been initiated and pulled under Tony's wing faster than McGee. McGee was needed while Jimmy was inherited. Looking at photographs she searched through while he is absent she noticed how after a while Tony would be hanging with Jimmy. Looking at one photo in particular she saw that genuine smile.

So Jimmy was the younger brother.

Mind made up she heads to see the autopsy gremlin. Tony doesn't use that endearment anymore. And she can see why. Jimmy had grown up since then. While she had remained stuck in time. Forever the baby. Needing to be fed her caffeine. Needing the praise.

//And you seem to break like time  
So fragile on the inside, you climb these grapevines  
Would you look now unto the pit of me on the ground  
And you wander through these to climb these grapevines...//

Downstairs she spies Jimmy and Ducky having a conversation.

"So he's coming back?"

"He arrived home last night."

"Good," deep sigh. "I missed him." Ducky gave a laugh.

"He missed you too."

So Tony missed Jimmy. Ducky knew where Tony was the whole time.

"So is he really okay?" No one could miss the tone. The sadness, the longing.

"He will be. Just..."

"I know Ducky." What did he know?

"You seem to know more than everyone else?"

"He left me a message." Ducky smiles. Clapping Jimmy on the back.

"Good. He will be in later. And we need to finish working on our dear friend here."

"Right doctor." Conversation over they go back to work.

Abby skipped out. Moving to the stairwell she sat down. They knew. They knew about Tony. How could they? No, they aren't to blame. They knew so Tony trusted them. It's us who he didn't tell. She felt so terrible. When had the abandonment began. Sure it was Kate. Then they inherited David. No not inherit. She was forced upon them. And Abby feeling lonely latched onto the only other female around.

Wary at first. Now. Crumbling in on herself she felt sorrow. Felt pain at the lost. Lost of her elder brother.

//I'll say it to be proud, won't have my life turn upside down  
Says the man with some, with some gold forged plan  
Of life so incomplete, like weights strapped around my feet  
Tread careful one step at a time//

And that is how McGee found her. He stepped down to sit beside her.

"Abby?"

"Tim, when did it all go wrong? Did we do something wrong? Did we not talk to him? Tell him stuff?" She wept. Tim hated that Tony was doing this to Abby. Not even aware that he was. Which made him boil. How could Tony do this? Placing an arm around her he tries to sooth. Sooth her agony while settling his anger. Everyone is so concerned about Tony.

Gibbs going nuts about not being able to find him. Well he is a trained agent. So what's the fuse. He will be back. He always comes back. He had no other place to go. Hugging her close. This is ridiculous.

//To know, to feel, to play me once again  
Do you denote from what we feel  
Do you not know, I see you play the game  
Do you denote...//

Ziva stared at the desk across from her. She had tried to hack into his computer to try and find something about Tony. Yet she had been stopped by several firewalls. Which is unexpected. Then she went over everything she once had on one Anthony DiNozzo Jr.. Reading it again she realized that the info is all a fabrication. For nowhere did it say that Tony had this knowledge of technology.

Jock, Good Investigator, Gibbs' right hand man.

If Tony comes back will it be this mask he has presented or while it be this one that has never been recorded before.

And would he like her or she like him?

Looking to the clock. 19 minutes to 9.

//La flama niposa, la ombra dispare  
La noce immortale, la voce murmure//

19 minutes to 9. Gibbs sizzled at his desk. The waiting killing him but knew it is needed. Taking a drag of his coffee he calms himself.

//To know, to feel, to play me once again  
Do you denote...  
Do you not know, I see you play the game  
Denote...//

Chapter 10: Silver Lining: Hurts  
CH 10: Silver Lining: Hurts

SET ME FREE SERIES  
BY: Wolfa Moon

SILVER LINING

//There's a storm on the streets, but you still don't run  
Watching and waiting for the rain to come.  
And these words wouldn't keep you dry  
Or wipe tears from an open sky,  
But I know, but I know, but I know I'm right//

Tony rolls into the NCIS parking garage. Parking his bike in his designated spot. Taking a quiet moment to collect himself. He hadn't gotten much sleep last night. Sleep is over rated. Taking off his helmet he takes in the surroundings. The walls seem so dull and grey compared to the outside wilderness. The vast openness that has been his haven. Securing his getaway, keys in pocket, secure. Attaching his helmet to his backpack he walks to the elevator.

The ride up giving him only a moment to prepare. He has had so much time to reconcile with himself. With what he wanted with life. Wants with this life. Everything changes. People call it a mid-life crisis. No, this is not that. This is a life event. For the mask has crumbled. Dead and buried.

Navy dress pants, loose fitting bash long sleeve shirt. Leather jacket moving with him. Would they like this Tony? Taking a deep breath and holding it. If they didn't he had other plans.

The door pinged like the shrill announcing the race is on. Opening for him to his entrance out onto the stage. His cue to step forward. For them to see if they like him. Not an act but a self-autobiography, telling his life story.

Stepping out he makes his way to his desk. The chair is slightly out. He ponders on who had sat here trying to hack into his computer. Attempt to find him. But for what reason. For Gibbs and his need to know everything. For curiosity? Setting his backpack on the ground. His helmet making a thud as it collided with his desk. Still silence. Smirking he goes to his computer. Starting it up. Then going over who had tried to hack in. Pulling up the video files. Skimming over quickly as McGee had tried. Obviously frustrated. Then Ziva taking a go. And then just Gibbs sitting there. His expression placid but his eyes. They spoke of confusion, anger, questions, and more. Looking down he sees the coffee rings. Several times he has sat here. Wonder what for? Wonder what he thought he would find and discover from an empty desk. The only drawer always unlocked is the one that didn't have any of his belongings in. Gibbs rewards for the teams work. For achievement in leadership. Their caseload solved by all, not just him. But that is not how they see it. Good team, great leader. A great leader who couldn't even find one of his own. Internally smiling.

//And I won't let you drown, when the water's pulling you in  
I'll keep fighting, I'll keep fighting.  
The rain's going to follow you wherever you go.  
The clouds go black and the thunder rolls  
And I see lightning, and I see lightning//

Silence hangs in the air. Going over his mailbox. Confirmation on a few things. Replying that he is here. Checking to see on how things are going. This is good. Looking around he looks to every eye that is on him. Wondering how long they will hold their silence.

"Did you have a good vacation, Tony?" Ziva, the brave Xena warrior. Looking up he smiles. A mask smile but it is a small one. Ziva sees it. Not a true smile but one he has worn before. A secret smile.

"It wasn't a vacation." He replies. Answering some question but not everything. Knowing there would be more to come. For now ease into it. She looks around at the others. The tension building. Tony picks up his iPhone. Scrolling through several numbers till he gets what he wanted. Pushing send he held it up to his ear.

McGee kept sharing glances with Ziva. They didn't know what to do. Should they forge on or should they wait for more from their boss. Their boss who sat at his computer sipping his coffee as if nothing has happened. Acting as if nothing is amiss. Not acknowledging the pink elephant in the room.

Tony began to talk quickly on the phone. Simple tech jargon and gun slang. Trying to see how his stocks are going. How his money is moving. Making plans for just in case. Hanging up the phone he pulls out his wallet. Counting his money out he gets the rough estimate of what he thinks is fair. Get all his affairs in order. Clean house. No more of the old Tony to be looking over his shoulder.

Goods estimated stands up and walks over to McGee's desk. The probie looks up at him.

"Tony?"

"Here, this should be the right amount." Tony hands over the money. Tim watches as he takes the money. Tony moved back to his seat. Tony had money to buy his own food. Can take care of himself like he always has. He acted like a child seeing how far he could push the others into doing things. The thing is he had gone to far and lost himself.

Finding himself in the middle of nowhere. And family he never knew he truly had. Testing now to see if he still had them.

"What's this for?" Tony tilts his head.

"For the lunches I bummed off of you." McGee felt funny with the money in his hand. Sure Tony owed him but Tony made up for it by getting pizza for everyone. For the lessons that he taught him in order to be the best he can be. Realizing it. Realizing that Tony has something up his sleeve. And he isn't sure he is liking it.

"Tony I…"

"Forget about it. We're even." Gibbs looks up at this. He had been following the conversation. Then when he made things even. The tone, the way it was spoken set his gut to grumble. Tony is different and there is something he is not saying. Something that needs to be aired. Yet has to speak what that intent is.

Tony walks back to his desk. Unlocking the only drawer that really needed to be locked. Shoving his gun on his belt. Placing his lock picking set in his back pocket. Satisfactory that he has everything he needs. His belt buckle the knife. A rule he firmly believes in.

The atmosphere is interrupted when a tech guy comes into the squad. McGee smiles at him expecting him to come see him but he goes right to DiNozzo.

"Um Agent DiNozzo, here it is." Tony took the box off of him. Smiling wide he sets it on the desk.

"Thank you Marcus. Um I'm gonna be changing my password again. Seems that some people have been trying to get into my computer."

"Okay, um, do you want the new Luxan program?" Tony shakes his head.

"Nah that program is crap. Get the Delvian program. Gentler on your system."

"You're sure."

"Positive." Marcus walks away shocked. Raising his eyebrows as he walks past McGee. McGee knew what they were talking about but how did Tony know of this. He is no tech nerd like him.

Tony opened the box. Smiling at what is inside he closes the lid. Lifting his bag he flings it over his shoulder. Moving quickly he goes to the elevator. Hitting the button. Leaving the squad room in silence.

He had to go see someone. Someone he had neglected.

//When the World surrounds you, I'll make it go away  
Paint the sky with silver lining.  
I will try to save you, cover up the grey  
With silver lining//

The music blaring is not Android Lust or some other House music. She is playing rat pack music. Moving with Gibbs stealth he entered. Taking the remote he changes the channel. Now rock played. Some good old AC/DC. She jumps turning around.

Tony just stands there taking her in. She looks rumpled. Her eyes joy to see him. Yet wondering if she is allowed to approach. Tony opens his arms. Rushing forward she wraps her arms around him. He envelops her back. This felt right. After so long. How long had it been since they hugged? She squeezes him tighter. Breathing him in.

"I missed you Tony. I'm so sorry." Her mind rambling over everything that has been haunting her since he had vanished.

Tony rested his head on his little sister's head. Having gone over what he had needed while in the middle of nowhere. Clearing his head. Remembering that he had parts of the family. And that a few of them cared in their own way. And some needed a nudge, a slight reminder. And apparently it worked. For some of them at least. But he is not going to be the same old Tony. Releasing his hold he tries to step back. Abby hugs him tighter.

"Abby, release me please?" she heard him. He had a pleasant tone but serious. She released him to stand back. Taking him in. He has changed. Something there that is new yet has always been there. Now finally breaking the surface.

"I'm glad you're back."

//Now there's no way back from the things you've done  
I know it's too late to stop the setting sun.  
You see the shadows in the distant light,  
And it's never going to be alright  
And you know, and you know, and you know I'm right//

"I gathered." He takes in the screens. Screenshots of him are screensavered on all her screens. Changing from one photo to the next. Moving closer he can identify them. Staring at the man like he is a unknown person. A relative that you only knew by photograph. Never meeting. Just other members of the family telling you, you look just like your cousin. He read the lines around those eyes.

"I didn't realize it at first. But then I noticed. Noticed that you had, um, been distant. Not just on your part but on ours as well. Then went over the campfires and realized how the others seem to walk over you. The underline screaming that you're not Gibbs. And how it didn't help that I had Gibbs plastered everywhere. And that the only people who truly welcomed your lead are in autopsy." So she had figured out that bit of information. Figuring out that he had been burned. And being told you'll do. It doesn't do. Even at that pain. Then the things he had to go through to actually see if he would be allowed to keep this team. Never telling the others that this is a trial. And on the eve of when the official word comes if he can have the team or not. The mighty Gibbs returns. Mustache and his desk apparel boxed up and just dumped. Dumped like what he had just done over the past several months meant nothing. And to all of them who just let it go back to the norm. Guess it really was nothing. And Ziva. That is a whole other can of worms. Right now he is here with Abby who is pouring her heart to him. Realizing that he had to work too. But there are some things that are up on the other side of the clouds.

Reaching into his pocket he held out the iPod she gave him.

Tears began to well up in her eyes. He's leaving is running through her mind. He is giving back all the items she paid for attention. Thinking it's just a game. It can't mean what she thinks it means.

"I bought that for you."

"Yes," he simply says. Holding it out to her. "I do like the rat pack. But I mostly like classic rock, alternative. And the occasional symphony and opera." He had culture and class. Abby stares at it. "So I'm giving this back to you. So when you learn me better you can give me it back filled with songs that are me." The underline that this is not all there is to him. That she would have to relearn him just like everyone else. This is his olive branch for her to accept and learn this Tony. Learn to love this Tony. She takes the iPod from him. Looking into Tony's eyes. Seeing the change. Little frightened by it but knowing that it will be worth it, she hopes, in the end.

He smiles as she takes it then he pulls the bag around so he can get the box out. He holds it out to her. Smiling widely at the gift she steps forward. Bouncing, it's not all bad.

//And I won't get left behind, when the walls come tumbling in  
I'll keep climbing, I'll keep climbing  
The rain's going to follow you wherever you go.  
The clouds go black and the thunder rolls  
And I see lightning, and I see lightning//

Opening the box she looks at the contents then up at Tony. Reaching in she pulls out the Breitling Navitimer male watch. Question in her eyes she looks at him. He moves forward to take it off her and puts it on. Then he moves past her to her computer. Making the screensaver slideshow stop. She comes over.

Pulling up a program his fingers fly across the board. Abby impressed, can only watch stunned at the fluid and grace that he touches her babies keys. Delicate and purposeful. Then the program is up on the screen. It is showing a map. A map of DC. And coordinates. Coordinates? She stares at it then to him. He holds the watch up.

//When the World surrounds you, I'll make it go away  
Paint the sky with silver lining  
I will try to save you, cover up the grey  
With silver lining (x2)//

"So you know where I am?" emphasis on you. Meaning that he is trusting her with access to track him anywhere and not to abuse it. Looking from the screen to the watch she places her hand over it. Unable to speak she goes to her parent's language. Signing, thank you. Tony nods back sighing, you're welcome. Her eyes widen. He knows sign language. This is going to take time but she is willing to learn this Tony.

Tony smiles at her. It is going to take a while. Olive braches spread to her. Hoping she will not turn them to kindle.

//Silver, silver, silver, silver, silver, silver lining,  
Deep blue sky, deep blue sky//

TBC


	6. 11: Rise 12: ARE YOU STILL MAD?

Chapter 11: Rise: The Frames  
CH 11 RISE: THE FRAMES

BY: WOLFA MOON

SET ME FREE

The day had moved on. No one had died. So they were going over old cases. Silence rained over the squad room. Glances floated through the air though. Tony had turned on his iPhone to listen to music while he went over his reports. A bounce back in his step after his hugs with Abby and lunch with Ducky and Jimmy. Catching up.

No one saying anything.

//Breathing in the night   
There's nothing else I'm needing now  
The wind is at my side   
And so are you  
And together we will rise//

Day done, time to go home.

Approaching his transportation he is struck by the sight of Ziva admiring his ride.

"Something I can help you with Agent David?" he asks as he slings his bag onto his back. She starts at being caught unaware.

Turning she observes Tony. Having studied him all day at work. The differences. His way with the computer. The way he held himself. So much different yet confident. This Tony had secrets yet a more relaxed view on life. People had made jibs, jabs, at him all day. He never arose to bite back with an equally school yard retort. He noted who they were and kept himself busy.

Gibbs had made no move to talk to him. Even when he had come in and departed for a while. Coming back with Ducky under one arm and Jimmy under the other. Laughing about the best place to get fish and chips. Whose batter is better. Then wishing them well he returned to his desk.

Ziva exchanged glances with McGee. Waiting for their leader to make a move. None was made.

//Above all these word and promises we couldn't keep,   
Together we will fly above it all  
But sometimes we will fall...   
From the light  
But it shines on us tonight...   
And together we will rise//

Now here she is no longer able to hold back her intrigue at what Tony has been up to and why this change?

"Good Evening Tony." She states with confidence.

"Is there something I can do for you?"

"Um," she had so much planned to ask him but all went out like a light. Confused she smiles unsettled. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine." He gets to his bike. Moving around her to get on.

"This is a very impressive bike." She had to start somewhere since everything went out. Why not the obvious?

"You should see my others." Tony contemplating if he should ride one of his others in. Really confuse the security people. Bringing his helmet up he rested it on the gas tank. Realizing she was unsettled he gave her a moment to collect herself. He has some time to kill. Wouldn't take him long to race home and call Jackson. Tell him how his day was. Telling him nothing happened. Nothing note worthy. Knowing Jackson would tell him it would be coming soon. And to be careful. Also ensure that he is there for him.

//And surely it's a sign now,   
That everything's in tune to some kind of higher plan  
Surely it's a sign  
That you were right...  
And there's the secret line  
That we've been denied...  
But we're crossing it tonight  
And together we will rise//

"You are looking good. " while Tony had been out to lunch. She had gone over to McGee to ask what is going on. What had Tony said and given him. Showing her the money and that is was simple payback. Then they pondered together what to do. Gibbs remained silent. They both knew he was listening trying to solve and figure Tony out. None of them making a move in the squad until Gibbs made his. He is the leader. Thing is they are no longer in the squad. Works over. "We missed you." Tony nodded. He knew he would be missed but how. A grateful kind or a sad kind. "We, I tried to get into your computer." She states clearing the air.

"I know." He simply says. Having the video to prove it. Amazed that she came right out and told him. That is Ziva. Blunt and to the point. She nods.

"We tried finding you." He nods knowing that too. But did they look for the right reasons. He let the silence build like in the squad. Waiting on them. He isn't hiding. He is just being silent and waiting, patient. He has made moves before. Attack and react. No he is the one stalking his prey. Letting them make the first move before he attacks. "I was worried for you." And there it is. A sentence spoken. Now, not when he needed the action a while ago.

//Sometimes we will fall,   
from the light  
But it shines on us tonight  
And together we will rise//

"Really," they had a funny way of showing it. Tony made a move to place the helmet on his head. She reaches out to stop him.

"I am sorry for whatever it is I did."

"It's what you didn't do." Pulling out of her grasp. She looks at him. The old Tony would not be so blunt with his anger and rage. His emotions masked with the laughing jock. This change. A knife to the gut. Smart and cleaver. Will to use it. He puts on the helmet. Key in the ignition.

"I will do better." She announces with all the conviction she can muster.

"We'll see." Tony starts the bike. Revving it up. She steps away. He will see. She watches as he races away from her. She would make Tony see that she truly cares. See her mistakes and correct them. After all he had come back. Having faith. She prays.

//Pass this line   
That we're crossing here tonight  
And together we will rise//

Gibbs had watched from the shadow. Silent as he's been all day. Not sure how to approach. Better to observe your target before you strike. Maybe tomorrow would be his day to make his move. Till tomorrow.

TBC

AN: Thank you for reading. Hop you are enjoying this as much as I am.

Chapter 12: ARE YOU STILL MAD? : ALANIS MORISSETTE  
CH 12: Are you still mad? : Alanis Morissette

BY: Wolfa Moon

Set me free

//Are you still mad I kicked you out of bed?  
Are you still mad I gave you ultimatums?  
Are you still mad I compared you to all  
my forty year old male friends?  
Are you still mad I shared our problems  
with everybody?//

McGee waited in his car. He had had a hell of a night. Mostly it was looking over the security systems. Wondering how DiNozzo knew about the latest in software. Making him wonder how much Tony knew. How much he is holding back. Letting him take the tech role while all this time he could have done both of their jobs.

How long?

McGee looks over his time here. All that Tony has taught him how often did they bicker and fight over nothing. Tony would be playful and he would strike back. Laughing it off. No harm no foul.

//Are you still mad I didn't trust your intentions?  
Of course you are  
of course you are//

A revving engine alerted him to the arrival of the person he wanted to talk to. He had waited all of yesterday to say something. There was a moment when he gave him money and he screwed it up to respond. Observing him roll in to take his spot. A different bike from yesterday he notices. He lifted his phone to take a snap shot of it. Running an app it identified the motorcycle as a Kawasaki Ninja 350. He had also identified the one form yesterday too. How many bikes did DiNozzo have? Where they all racing bikes? So many questions. Would Tony answer them?

Tony had become an enigma. He knew Tony had a well versed movie knowledge background. Knew what type of food Tony salivated for. Knew that Tony loved the classics. But then Abby had asked him what was on his iPod. She had remembered that Tony had borrowed it and listened to his music. There was something more there but he had answered the music question and she hung up.

Watching Tony park his bike he gets off the bike. The weather is still nice.

Tony takes his helmet off resting it on his bike he pulls the ear buds from his ear. He had seen McGee still in his car when he rode in. Maybe he would get out of the car. Make his move. Or would he wait. Tony looks over at him, nods, and begins to head in.

McGee gets out of his car. Running to catch up with Tony.

"Tony!" Tony holds the elevator door open. "Thanks," breathing as he enters. McGee watches Tony still wondering what to do. "How are you doing?"

"Good, and yourself?" Being civil and polite.

"I'm, I'm good. We missed you." Tony nods. They say they missed him. But how long before they realized. And did they take the initiative to check up on him on their own or when Gibbs ordered them. "So, um," McGee scratches his head. "How long have you known computers?" Tony looks over at him and smiles. An all knowing smile.

//Are you still mad I wore the pants most of the time?  
Are you still mad that I seemed to focus  
only on your potential?//

"I know them McGee."

"But,"

"Probie, I know computers okay. It's no big deal." McGee looks at him. It's no big deal. It is when he is the tech head. Not upset just confused

"If you knew then why did you need me on the team?"

"Cause I wasn't known for that. No one asked. Everyone assumed I didn't know the difference between a floppy from a hard drive. So you got called in. You showed potential and I let it go." He had let it go. Let everything about him that he knew go. Relaxed on the waves and floated with them. Fed up he began to ride the waves. Show off what he can do. "Don't worry probie. You're still the tech guy."

"Do you play games?"

"Occasionally. Kicked you ass in Gears of War 3." Tony smirks at him as the doors open. He walks out before him.

McGee rooted to the spot to learn that Tony is a fellow geek, a closet geek. But one who had beaten him. Wondering who he was as he walks to his desk.

Is he EYES_ONLY, Peace_Out, or maybe even Dark_Angel? The few to defeat him in the game.

Sitting at his desk he can't help but sneak glances at Tony. Tony had booted his computer beginning to go over what they had been doing yesterday.

Ziva came in. She stops at Tony's desk. McGee can't help but watch the interaction. She holds out her hand then lets something fall. Letting the necklace swing. Attached to the necklace is a Star of David.

"I know you are not Jewish. But I thought it is always good to have faith on ones side." Tony reaches out. She lets it drop into the palm of his hand.

Tony smiles a true smile at her. She stands there watches as he accepts the gift and places it around his neck. A stepping stone.

"Nice necklace, DiNozzo." The first words from gods Gibbs mouth. An innocent comment or a snarky remark. You could never tell. Tony ignores him looks to Ziva.

"Toda," thank you in Hebrew. She starts at the knowledge. Smiling wide she nods.

"Al-lo-davar," you're welcome.

"Grab your gear." Gibbs gave them their moment but they had a case. Action ensues. Everyone getting their gear. "DiNozzo," he looks up catching the keys that are thrown at him. "Get the car." He knew he had to talk with him. Knew he didn't have a lot of time before something happens.

DiNozzo has his gear and begins to head out. Ziva catches up to him as he enters the elevator. McGee hurries along just as the door closes.

Gibbs has a moment to collect himself. The others making their effort. Trying to get to this Tony. Why couldn't he say what needs to be said. What needs to be said? Closing his eyes he gets his own house in order. Soon. Soon he would have his moment.

//Are you still mad that I threw in the towel?  
Are you still mad that I gave up long before you did?  
Of course you are  
of course you are//


	7. 13: Chances 14: Anybody Out There

Chapter 13: Chances: Athlete  
CH 13: Chances: Athlete

BY: Wolfa Moon

SET ME FREE

The ambulance pulled up outside the Emergency Room. People rushed out of the automatic doors to greet them.

//Take all your chances while you can//

People poured out of the back of the ambulance. Doctors screaming orders getting stats. And believe me they don't sound good.

"GSW to the upper right cavity."

"He's been tacky the whole way here."

"How's his breathing." The answer lost in the alarms of tacking. Next step cardiac arrest.

"There is a second ambulance right behind us."

//You never know when they'll pass you by  
Like a sum the mathematician cannot solve  
Like me trying my hardest to explain//

The day started out normal. Average bag and tag death scene. The tension still visible. Tony standing up and away taking photos. Ziva and Timmy bagging what evidence there was around the deceased. The deceased a ensign who was on furlong before heading to Iraq. A soldier who might be killed fighting for his country dying in his country for some unnamed, yet, reason.

Ducky came and the tension lessoned. Yet his behavior has changed also. Being short to Gibbs and only expanding on info when requested from either Jimmy or Tony. The rift visible. But they did there job. Ducky tsked that Gibbs had done nothing yet. Smiled though at when Tim asked Tony if he needed any help.

Gibbs watched his team try to jump the rift. Be on the same side again.

//It's all about your cries and kisses  
Those first steps that I can't calculate  
I need some more of you to take me over//

The shots fired in the night. Breaking the silence.

//Take me over//

Gibbs had paired himself up with Tony. Hopefully to give him a chance to talk to Tony about all that has happened. Yet when they went to go question a suspect the person didn't feel like answering the question with words. Bullets rained. Then silence. A voice screaming, rasping for help. Informing them agents down.

//If I had the chance to start again  
Then you would be the one I'd come and find//

The rest of the group gathered together in the waiting area. No word on yet how their friends are doing. Ziva sat down holding her necklace in her right hand. She held the identical in the other. They had given them the personal belongings. She closed her eyes squeezing tight. Praying to her god her faith. Save them.

C:A

When they returned from the first scene everyone went to work to find connections. McGee went through his finance records. Finding nothing out of the ordinary. Ziva had called his commanding officer to get details. But it was the surprise of Tony when he brought up his vehicle logs and then he had brought up the traffic cams. Something hard to get into. Illegal. Everyone shocked but it gave them a trail to follow.

//Like the poster of Berlin on my wall  
Maybe there's a chance our walls might fall

It's all about your cries and kisses  
Those first steps that I can't calculate  
I need some more of you to take me over//

They had two leads. Gibbs finally had his moment. It seemed the three of them wanted to be teamed up with Tony. Yet seniority won out. Tony felt self conscious but knew it was coming. Knew Gibbs was going to take his time. But to be stuck in a car with him. No place to run to. He knew this would be severely difficult. Keeping his mouth shut he followed orders.

Ziva & Timmy taking an ex-girlfriend. While Tony & Gibbs took the supposed ex-boyfriend. In the car there was silence except for Tony humming a song in his head.

"What are you singing?" Gibbs had to open up somehow. The thing is he didn't scream at him to be quiet. Gibbs had to admit he missed Tony's constant moving and chatter. He had been so quiet since he came back.

"Last song on my iPhone." Gibbs nods. DiNozzo starts humming. It's a start.

//It's all about your cries and kisses  
Those first steps that I can't calculate  
I need some more of you to take me over//

Gibbs extended his hand to his fellow agent. Grabbing him firmly in his grasp.

"I'm not letting you go."

I've no idea 'cause I can't calculate

//How to start again  
How to start again  
How to start again  
How to start again

It's all about you//

Chapter 14: Anybody Out There: Civil Twilight  
Chapter 14

Anybody Out There: Civil Twilight

By: Wolfa Moon

Disclaimer: No own. Just for fun.

CTAOT

//In the cold of the night, the fire burns bright, you long for the unseen   
On the edge of the sea, your thoughts run deep, you long for a place you've never been//

Taking in his surroundings he can't believe he is here. He is at his cabin standing upon the cliff again. Gazing down there is no one to watch him leap. His cabin seeming so far away. Over the edge of the cliff is the lake. Clear reflective and dark. Dark depths that are unfathomable. He wants to jump again like before but he is afraid. Why? He already conquered it.

The water ripples with life. The water turns red. Ground concaving at his feet. He is falling.

//Is anybody there, is anybody there, you cry to the full moon   
As your thoughts run wild like the thoughts of a child, you wonder if you'll be there soon   
I say slow me down, slow me down   
I want to hear the sound, slow me down   
Is anybody out there   
Is anybody out there   
(repeat)//

He wakes to find himself asleep at his desk. The monitor on power reserve. Whatever he was working on replaced with a screen of shimmering lights. Taking in the office he is alone. Getting up he looks to the other teams areas. There is no one there too. He is alone. Moving out from behind his desk he begins to walk around NCIS headquarters.

No one is here. Butterflies begin to swim in his belly. This is all wrong. Moving on he goes to each of his fellow teammates desk. Trying to get their computer to start. No effect, just the shimmering light screensaver. Light going in and out on random spots on the screen.

Warily he goes to the elevator to see if Ducky can make ant sense of this.

Not there.

Abby.

Not there.

What the hell? Fearing an Omega Man or 28 days later he runs to his car and hops in. Speeding out of the city.

It is empty.

"HELLO? IS ANYBODY OUT THERE?" no on replies.

//Anybody, anybody   
Here I stand, letter in my hand, the letter that you sent to me   
But as I turn each page like the turning of a wave, I feel you turning me   
Slow me down, slow me down//

Traveling out of the city to where everything makes sense. To a place he hasn't been to in the longest time. The thing is he really doesn't remember getting here. But here he is outside a house he thought of as his second home.

It's so quiet.

//I want to hear the sound, slow me down   
Is anybody out there   
Is anybody out there   
(repeat)//

The door to the house is ajar. Tony pulls out his gun. Thank god for small favors. Moving through the house which he can walk blindfolded. Going to the room that if no other is mostly always has an occupant. Not with a person but with a boat taking up most of the room.

Taking the steps slowly he wonders around the boat. A bottle sits on the table with a nail glass full of booze. A drink ready to be shared.

//Anybody, anybody   
I don't know anything no more   
I don't know anything no more   
I don't know anything   
Is anybody out there//

But no Gibbs. Nobody there. Going to the glass he goes to lift it. His hand goes right through it.

//Is anybody out there   
(repeat)   
Anybody, anybody//


	8. 15: Missing You 16: Existentialism On Prom Night

CH 15: Missing You: Jem

BY: Wolfa Moon

Author Note:

I was tempted to just put up song lyrics without a story around it. . But then thought better. I hope you enjoy. Reviews Helps me Write Faster. Thank you to all who have and just simple, Thank you for reading.

Missing You: Jem

//I wish this could be  
A happy song  
But my happiness disappeared   
The moment you were gone  
Don't think I ever believed that   
This day would come  
Now all I'm feeling  
Is lost and numb//

Abby sat in the hospital waiting room. She had released energy by pacing up and down the hallways. Finally relenting and sitting her ass in one of the offensive waiting room chairs. Her mind going over everything that has happened.

Music searching.

Phone call.

Hospital.

Her family falling apart around her.

Everything changing too quickly for her liking. Hell for anybodies liking.

//I'll always be thankful  
For the time we had  
We were blessed  
I should celebrate  
But I feel too sad  
All the wonderful memories  
Just make me fall apart  
And it feels like somebody's  
Stabbed me in my heart//

Everything changes though. And it can happen so quickly. A simple thought can turn your world upside down. There was no music to bang her head to clear out the old thoughts. The webs catching bits of songs leaving his lips.

Clutching the tiny metal casing of the tiny bit of Tony she could hold in her hands.

Worry filling her heart. No words had come form the powers that be.

The others arrive to maintain a vigil. Yet she remains placed in her own little world

//I wish this could be  
A happy song  
But my happiness disappeared   
The moment you were gone  
Tell me it's not happening  
Say it's not as it seems  
Tell me that I'm gonna wake up  
It's just a bad dream  
Please tell me that it's fiction  
Tell me it's just a lie  
Whatever you choose to tell me  
Please say he didn't die//

Music connects on so many levels. Having a life of their own. Lifting the spirit to helping one wallow and deal with their pain. Closing her eyes she wishes she can think of a happy song to cheer her up a little. But all she can do is hold the iPod in her left hand. While in the other hold his watch.

Tick, tick, tick…

//And I, yes I, miss you  
And it's killing inside  
Ooh well I, yes I, miss you  
Want you by my side  
Ooh well I, miss you  
Want you by my side  
Back here by my side  
Here by my side//

Beep, beep, beep go the life monitors in one OR.

While in another it cries aloud.

Chapter 16: Existentialism On Prom Night: Straylight  
CH 16

Existentialism On Prom Night: Straylight Run

BY Wolfa Moon

//When the sun came up,  
We were sleeping in,  
Sunk inside our blankets,  
Sprawled across the bed,  
And we were dreaming,//

Ziva didn't know what to do. Both of her senior officers are out of commission. Remembering how the ringing phone sounded so far away. Yet it was in her hand. Not having to get out of a welcoming bed to reach it. Not interrupting a loving conversation. The foreign noise that could mean so many things. Yet then it made no sound.

Answering it to fears she didn't want ever to become a reality.

//There are moments when,  
When I know it and  
The world revolves around us,  
And we're keeping it,//

Arriving to see them being rushed by her. Blood flowing under stranger's hands. People barking orders. Orders to save their lives.

//Keep it all going,  
This delicate balance,  
Vulnerable all knowing,//

The man had shot at them. And hadn't relented once they were incapacitated. He had wanted his vengeance of a broken heart. A record that plays over and over again. All in the name of love. Love that could hurt so much. Love left silent. Never voiced but always there.

Afraid what will happen once the words left her mouth. Having been hurt so many times in the past. Loving blood and betrayed.

Betraying those by not trusting those who have her six. Treating the heart as if a child. Opening her eyes, at last, to see what is in front of her

//Sing like you think no one's listening,  
You would kill for this,  
Just a little bit,//

Problem is she might not get that moment, that chance to let her heart sing. To shout from the rooftops what her heart wants. Playing games to keep her distance. Doing such a good job. Hurting the one she loves.

What is she to do now?

//Just a little bit,  
You would, kill for this//

Humming prayers. Realizing how much the music means. Beating life into silent moments. Tony recent habit of humming. Secluding himself in his music. Silently sung to at his desk. A barrier to cushion the rift that has grown between them. Music heals the soul.

Words doing so much. And silence doing more. In keeping her silence she has lost what ground she has covered in her attempts to hide her heart.

Fear of losing what it wants. And she still might.

//We're glad for what we've got,  
Done with what we've lost  
Our whole lives laid out right in front of us,//

Looking out the window of the waiting room she watches life pass by on the street. You could walk the streets forever and never find your heart. Situations present themselves though. Forced unlikely together. Finding that misplaced spark. Letting the heart beat fast. Feeling it live. Connecting with the world.

Finding a place, a family.

Finding love.

//Sing me something soft,//

A blood covered phone in one hand.

//Sad and delicate,  
Or loud and out of key,//

The necklace dangling from her fingertips.

//Sing me anything.//


	9. 17: This Use To Be My Playground

Chapter 17: This Use To Be My Playground: Madonna  
Chapter 17

This Use To Be My Playground: Madonna

By Wolfa Moon

A/N: I wanted to use 'stairway to heaven' Led Zeplin. To kinda get you guys thinking. But the lyrics didn't fit with what I wrote. So going through my library I found this wonderful classic song. Also a great movie that I had to watch. Nostalgia. Thank you all who have reviewed and favorited.

THIS USE TO BE MY PLAYGROUND

//This used to be my playground (used to be)   
This used to be my childhood dream   
This used to be the place I ran to   
Whenever I was in need   
Of a friend   
Why did it have to end   
And why do they always say//

Jackson Gibbs sat between two beds in the ICU. Looking over the bodies that lay on the beds. His thoughts have gone from dark to cloudy. Praying to whomever would listen to not take his sons away.

//Don't look back   
Keep your head held high   
Don't ask them why   
Because life is short   
And before you know   
You're feeling old   
And your heart is breaking   
Don't hold on to the past   
Well that's too much to ask//

Tony had once told him a story about a man who had loved someone so much that he had died to get it. Then to awake reborn and have what he had lost. Reincarnated with his love. Thinking some movie reference yet it was a story in some book a long time ago that his mother read to him. Telling it to him that no matter what he would never be alone. And that she would find him again in her next life and he would never be alone.

The thing is Jackson didn't want to wait. He wants what he haves now. Sure to a boy who was slowly losing his mother it had brought comfort. But it still hurt. Remembering how Tony smiled jokily to push off the sentiment. And under his breath admitting that he is searching for her. Hoping he can have her again in this life.

//We were foolish then   
We would never tire   
And that little fire   
Is still alive in me   
It will never go away   
Can't say goodbye to yesterday (can't say goodbye//

Looking over them his heart sinks. He had gained so much recently. And the fate string kept tugging at them. Playing them. Listening to them sing. Wondering if their time is up.

//No regrets   
But I wish that you   
Were here with me   
Well then there's hope yet   
I can see your face//

Days pass and the beeps lure babes to slumber. Abby had taken a turn sitting between the two men who had become family. Worry had filled and settled. Her heart breaking with each passing day, as she received no squeezing back from the limp hands she held. Her prayers still being heard though. They haven't left them yet. Resting her head down she feels safe even though they don't even have the strength of a day old kitten.

Her place is here.

//In our secret place   
You're not just a memory   
Say goodbye to yesterday (the dream)   
Those are words I'll never say (I'll never say)//

Ziva came for a while but could not face them. She can face the most ruthless of this world. But when it came to people she cared about she could not. All she could think of was the blood of her family on her hands. Standing up she walks away.

//This used to be my playground (used to be)   
This used to be our pride and joy   
This used to be the place we ran to   
That no one in the world could dare destroy

This used to be our playground (used to be)   
This used to be our childhood dream   
This used to be the place we ran to   
I wish you were standing here with me//

Everyone deals with sorrow in a menagerie of ways. Abby was a quite prayer type. Holding their hands to ground her woes that they are still here. Ziva was a doer. She could not just sit, watch, and wait. So she comes in to see then leaves. McGee has the most interesting of ways. He would sit with someone who was there. Scared child frightened of being alone in the dark. His belief was in technology. So he would sit and watch. Looking up research and latest advancements on medical technology to help in this situation. The thing is most of the research done recently is in faith. He didn't have a faith system. So he had to look up ones that called to them. Yet the only thing that he truly believed in was his boss and his friend would not let him down, watch his six. So he could only watch their six in their hour. Ducky talked to them. Telling a story about this and that. Relishing in past events. Missing Tony's feedback. Wanting them to return to them. But by looking at their charts his heart sank a little. Not having the heart to tell anyone what the medical jargon truly meant about their friends. Jimmy had taken a look over the chart. Looked at his mentor to concur and had to leave. His heart breaking at the future that lay in store for their friends. Jackson sat with his sons. Making plans with them. Ducky had told him what the medical jargon had all meant. His heart breaking. His thoughts darken. A man should never outlive his children. Taking them in he holds their hands. Squeezing tight to give them a lifeline. Never letting go.

Days pass with the same scenario. Hands held and squeezed to tug them back to them. Not yet wiling to search for them in their new life. Wanting them in this life. Praying to whomever.

//This used to be our playground (used to be)   
This used to be our great escape   
This used to be the place we ran to   
This used to be our secret hiding place//

A hand squeezes back.

//This used to be our playground (used to be)   
This used to be our childhood dream   
This used to be the place we ran to   
The best things in life are always free   
Wishing you were here with me//

TBC…. Reviews are love…TY

AND JUST BECAUSE IT'S A GREAT SONG

"Stairway To Heaven"

There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold   
And she's buying the stairway to heaven.   
When she gets there she knows, if the stores are all closed   
With a word she can get what she came for.   
Ooh, ooh, and she's buying the stairway to heaven.

There's a sign on the wall but she wants to be sure   
'Cause you know sometimes words have two meanings.   
In a tree by the brook, there's a songbird who sings,   
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven.   
Ooh, it makes me wonder,   
Ooh, it makes me wonder.

There's a feeling I get when I look to the west,   
And my spirit is crying for leaving.   
In my thoughts I have seen rings of smoke through the trees,   
And the voices of those who stand looking.   
Ooh, it makes me wonder,   
Ooh, it really makes me wonder.

And it's whispered that soon if we all call the tune   
Then the piper will lead us to reason.   
And a new day will dawn for those who stand long   
And the forests will echo with laughter.

If there's a bustle in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed now,   
It's just a spring clean for the May queen.   
Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run   
There's still time to change the road you're on.   
And it makes me wonder.

Your head is humming and it won't go, in case you don't know,   
The piper's calling you to join him,   
Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow, and did you know   
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind.

And as we wind on down the road   
Our shadows taller than our soul.   
There walks a lady we all know   
Who shines white light and wants to show   
How everything still turns to gold.   
And if you listen very hard   
The tune will come to you at last.   
When all are one and one is all   
To be a rock and not to roll.

And she's buying the stairway to heaven.


	10. 18: Losing Your Memory

Chapter 18: Losing Your Memory: Ryan Star  
Losing Your Memory: Ryan Star

BY: Wolfa Moon

Disclaimer: Never own. Idea mine alone.

SUMMARY: I believe this is my FINALE CHAPTER

//Call all your friends   
And tell them you're never coming back   
'Cause this is the end   
Pretend that you want it, don't react   
The damage is done//

Tony watches Gibbs as he throws his line into the lake. Hoping to catch them some dinner. He in turn looks over at his fellow fisherman. A smile on his face. Time had passed and everything changes. Time here, time there. It didn't matter. They are together but not in way people think. Or the way it should be.

Gibbs looks over at Tony smiling in contentment. He has Tony by his side. And all is right in his world.

Jackson looks out the window at his sons. Normalcy has left them back in the past. The present presenting a whole new world to deal with. Modifications had to be made. Lives had to be altered. Perspectives needed to be changed. For it is not as it was. Broken into a million pieces. Shattered departed. Yet the remnants remain. Slowly putting back together. Yet pieces have been lost. But the most important stays. Jethro is here with Tony. The kinship, brotherhood, bond. Stronger with lost.

//The police are coming too slow now   
And I would have died   
I would have loved you all my life//

Gibbs smiles widely, panically as his rod begins to pull away fro him

"Tony I got one, I got one."

"Good. reel it in." Gibbs does. Tony moves closer to him. Getting the fish out Gibbs shows Tony his catch proudly.

"We'll eat good tonight."

"Yeah we will." Tony leans over gingerly to open the cooler. There are always moments when it feels as if they are lost in the world. A reality that has been altered, taken. Some say badly but in the end, it is all good. They have the family they both needed. Even with it's flaws there are silver linings.

//You're losing your memory now   
You're losing your memory now   
You're losing your memory now   
You're losing your memory... now//

Gibbs runs through the house. His heart pounding in his ears. His mind only on one thing. Searching for him. He has to get to him. Has to save him. Can't let him go. Can't let them get to him. No one will ever hurt what is his ever again.

A voice calls to him. Running toward it. There he is. Running in to see eyes on him. Sweat pouring down his back. The nightmare waking him. Scrambling to find his security. The one thing that mattered. The one thing that made the fog clear in his mind.

//Where have you gone   
The beach is so cold in winter here   
And where have I gone//

Moving in he climbs into bed with Tony. Tony's muscular arms going around him. Securing him. Grounding him to the present. The misty part of his mind scolding him like a child. That he is a grown up and does not need to be caudle. But he does and don't care about the misty voice. This felt so right to be here right now.

Tony groans under him,

"Sorry."

"Hey rule #6, never say you're sorry."

"Who came up with these stupid rules?"

"You did." Wondering eyes stare at him searching for the falsehood in ridiculous rules. Why would he make up so many silly rules. "And most of them are worth using." Seeing the old argument over something that held important e to Tony. Tony hung onto those rules as if a lifeline. Saving his ass using most of them. Then to have the rulebook broken and having to learn them form his protégé. Sitting up he looks down at Tony. Tony doesn't move to sit up. For it took extra effort and it is late.

Looking out into the night he sees the stars and the moon smiling at him. His nightmares increasing. Yet mostly repeating. He was always trying to get to, rescue Tony.

Tony never said this is bad. Always accepting the nightmares. Making them die away.

//I wake in Montauk with you near   
Remember the day   
'Cause this is what dreams should always be   
I just want to stay   
I just want to keep this dream in me//

"Can I stay here tonight?" Tony smiles. The other bed in the room empty for this reasons. The head docs finding it encouraging that Gibbs found solace and safety in Tony. And if that meant empty bed. They accepted.

Also it helped him remember and acquire the past slowly and willingly. Yet most of his current memoires wrapped around Tony.

//You're losing your memory now   
You're losing your memory now   
You're losing your memory now   
You're losing your memory...//

The wounds inflicted on them left them a puzzle of parts needing to be put back together. Gibbs had lost his memory. Yet the only one he truly remembered is Tony. Tony the base for everything that is good and should be beside him no matter what.

Tony on the other hand kept all his memories but had lost a major function in order to maintain a senior field agent status. He has lost the use of his legs. Learning to struggle with a whole new obstacle.

Both having to put the puzzle of reality together. Yet in this new reality they have each other to put the puzzle together.

Gibbs never strays far from Tony's side. Something in the deep recesses telling him, he needs to be there. That Tony is family, a son. Something that he admits more openly now. His emotion on his sleeve. Talking to Tony makes the mist in his mind clear away. Everything is easier around Tony.

Tony has to work hard to maintain his sanit. But the good thing is he has to focus on Gibbs and does not give him time to wallow in the lost of his legend. Losing to gain.

Family, as odd as it is. It is family. With each odd and crazy personalities to make it worth the attempts to get Gibbs to remember.

Family

//Wake up, it's time; little girl, wake up   
All the best of what we've done is yet to come   
Wake up, it's time; little girl, wake up   
Just remember who I am in the morning//

Tony sat with a laptop on his lap. A recent case had come up and McGee had called him up asking for any support. Being a consultant to the NCIS still. Being a consultant to the local police as well. But only as a consultant. He wheeled himself over to the window so he could see Jethro working on his boat. Something that was still engrained in the amnesiac man. Muscle memory and him remaining. Jackson sat with a cup a coffee sitting on a stump watching his son work. Smiling to Tony. Tony nodded returning to his phone call.

"So what do you think?"

"I think that is good Probie. But also check into the accounts of his daughter."

"Why?'

"Cause you haven't searched them yet. Call me back with what you get."

"Sure thing Tony. You coming to visit anytime soon?" they made trips to old haunts. Visit the people who cared for them. Hoping to jog memories back in the scrambled man's head. Some things would surface. Most of them inside NCIS headquarters. Vance keeping Tony on as an advisor. Not just helping with his old units cases. But also with training others. Especially for the school's reimbursement. Home coursing his way to a legal degree. Becoming what they all hated, a lawyer. But to have one that you know on your side and who can actually help on that end of the spectrum a good thing. Already having a post lined up with the JAG.

Looking out the window he smiles as Jackson is helping Jethro hammer a new piece of wood tot eh side of the craft. Slowly coming together.

Tony rolled his chair to the middle of the courtroom. Having everybody's eyes on him as he gave his closing statement. Confidence rolled of him as he gave the details over again. Reiterating all the vial thing the accused has done. Saying his piece he maneuvered back to his table.

Gibbs sat in the pew right behind Tony. Showing his support. Things had come back to him. Knew he wasn't as good as he once was. But he was as he is and should be. Watching his son defend the innocent. Fight for the unwilling and abused, the forgotten. Leaning over he places a hand on Tony as the call for recess is given. Time to let the jury decide the fate.

//You're losing your memory now   
You're losing your memory now//

GUILTY.

//You're losing your memory now   
You're losing your memory... //

Tony rolled down the planks as he made his way to the floating craft.

"Is it safe?"

"Get in the boat DiNozzo."

"No way am I suppressing any Jaws remarks."

"Wouldn't have it any other way." Gibbs moved up to assist Tony into the boat.

//(You're losing your memory now)   
You're losing your memory now   
(You're losing your memory now)   
(You're losing your memory now)//

THE END

AUTHOR NOTE:

THANK YOU ALL!

Not sure if you guys are happy how I ended it. Well hah, No seriously. I was thinking of many ways. Tony always in a wheelchair was always there. But the adding of Gibbs amnesiac came as soon as I heard this song. And everything seems to fit.


End file.
